worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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