Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
