We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
