You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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