Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
