look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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