i don't like sucking hair
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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