wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
