My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
