who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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