Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
