I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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