she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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