My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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