My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love accidental penises.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
