your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
