Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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