I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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