best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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