where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
