Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
