Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
