He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
