Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
