I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
