Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
