My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
