He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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