Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
