oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
