I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
50% drunk capacity currently
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
