Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
