What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
