Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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