His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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