Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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