FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize