Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
