You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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