Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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