I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
