So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
