Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
