As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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