he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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