we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
