Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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