But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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