Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
