i think my mom watched the whole time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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