I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
