i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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