Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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