bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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