He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
