Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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