Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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