If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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