his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
