Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
