One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
