I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
