i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
