oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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