My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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