how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
