I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
