Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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