this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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