how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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