She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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