no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My ATM looks so different sober.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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