but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
