Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I forget how to act sober
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
