Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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