And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
