There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
