Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
