my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
