my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just forgot I was standing up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
