it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
