She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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