He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
