I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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