true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
