how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
