I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
