I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
